August 2012
noitemsfoxonlyfinaldestination:
i always misspell his name as birna the first time i type it
always
like literally always
At least you don’t misspell my name as “Brain” like EVERYONE ELSE EVER.
noitemsfoxonlyfinaldestination:
noitemsfoxonlyfinaldestination:
nextyearsgirl replied to your photo: does this look like anything
Is it too late to request a uterus?
no there’s not a time limit! it’s just dependent on me finding a pattern but that should be easy
not knowing what this is about and reading it is kind of unnerving
more like hilarious
YOU CAN’T JUST BUILD UTERUSES
THAT SOUNDS LIKE A CHALLENGE TO ME.
Tonight on Twitter I pondered what Seinfeld would be like if it had aired in the internet era. Here were my ideas for easy reading:
- Jerry breaks up with a woman because of her unflattering Twitter avatar
- ”Jerry, Kramer’s reblogging me and removing my original tags!” “C’mon George, it’s the internet! Information wants to be *free*!”
- Uncle Leo doesn’t understand email, wants to know where the stamps print out
- ”I tell ya, I’m in love with her, Jerry. And this time I’m almost sure she’s not a spambot.”
- George’s parents friend him on Facebook
- Better yet, George sends friend requests to his parents on Facebook, and they decline
- Bania replies to all of Jerry’s tweets
- The gang learn Kramer’s first name by looking him on Google
- George writes a scathing review on Yelp and is banned from the coffee shop
- The gang hold a contest to see who can go the longest without vanity-searching themselves
- Elaine’s friends keep bugging her on Facebook: “When are you gonna “Like” the baby? You gotta “Like” the baby!”
- Jerry and Elaine start an OkCupid profile for George as a joke, he ends up getting matched with Marisa Tomei
- Kramer doesn’t understand wifi. “So these emails are just flyin’ through my body? Oh I don’t like that.”
- George refuses to allow his friends to tag him in photos because “that’s how they getcha, Jerry!”
- George registers a domain name because it was once owned by Jon Voight
- Kramer learns he can order everything he needs from Amazon, decides to never leave his apartment again
- The gang learns Kramer uses Bing instead of Google. When asked about it, he replies, “Google? What’s ‘Google?’ Frankly it sounds made up”
- George pretends to be the guys in Missed Connections ads, hoping the women will fall for it
- Uncle Leo torrents movies and says it’s okay because all old people do it
- George won’t tell anyone his wifi password (“Bosco”)
- George gets into relationship with a frequent texter. He dumps her because he’s only willing to pay for the cheapest data plan
- George decides not to date anymore since Siri is nicer to him than any woman has ever been
- George accidentally forwards his new girlfriend an unflattering photo of his privates. “Do women know about JPG compression?!”
- The gang spends an entire episode waiting for a Chinese restaurant’s website to load
Well goodnight
July 2012
Listen
Sometimes when I’m feeling down I like to remind myself that once, on /v/, I sang A Whole New World, as Jigglypuff, with a guy doing a solid impression of Professor Oak.
this is flawless
